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© XFANTASYWINGSX

hello. so i'm back, after.... an entire year?
u know. i'm scared. really. of the future.... of what it holds for me.( yeah. a thoroughly cliche phrase it is )
i feel dirty, unclean, with mud caked feets and hands. with a tear-streaked face that knows all shame. i dont know. insecurites cloud the pheriphery of tattered mind of mine. what am i?, simply someone who's drained of her swelling pride, left with none but perhaps, a rusty anchor which has lost its footing.
A unsatiable need to reach for the stars. truly?
Anyway. this is strange. really tiresome.
--------------------------------------------------------------
EnOugh of that nonsensical stuff.
yeah it made non-sense at all. absolutely not. ( Hmmm... was it supposed to?) EHHH....
BRRRR>....
lets get on with life. so... in short. life has taken. somewhat a frightening turn for me. A uncalibrated, disturbingly, abrupt turn of events,. that has brought my life screeching to a halt. driven off course into something less appealing. something i absolutely abhor. shame sets in, the lingering sense of resentment.
To be stuck in the mud would have been the appropriate phrase.
yeah. its gettting worse.
But... as commented by a friend of mine. when failure sets in, then, the only way to go is up, meaning which, life will only get better. hmph.
anyway. all this terrible writing of mine.
i apologize for it, that and the ranting.
Byes.
PS: LORD. i want to Love you with all my heartand soul. please. help me to do so



well, u never thought i would be back and alive, did you?
but here i am, alive and kicking, better than ever....

yepp, its chinese new year today ermmm the second day that is...
havent posted for a long while, guess it really takes me to be bored enough to blog... or bo-liao enough xD( learnt frm caryn)
anywayy, its really scary to see how time flows, how the society consumes you, how, in the process of growing up, you forget what you really were, deep-down, that child-like spirit in you.
the source of joy and creativeness....
zz ... i know i'm blabbering cuz well isnt blogging designed for blabbering?
heck, i know whining is really a bad bad habit but is a little of that really too bad? cant it juz be taken as a form of release, a way to help you reorganise ur thoughts....
hmmm the background music is thing, so soothing, so calm, so.... beautiful.

I feel that i'm inadequate for writing stories, much less poems
but i'm still trying, giving my best, hoping fervently that hardwork beats all the odds

a happy new year to you, a happy new year to me....
lets all give it our best shot, don't you agree?
let it be for the best
to fulfill our dreams
to see that shining star sparkle ....

well, i made a trip to the library very recently
and guess what i found!?!
BRISINGR
omi :) heh that really lifted my spirits>>>
awww comeon its such a great book xDDD
long awaited third bk of the trilogy
heh

sorry for my randomness
but what does aishiteru mean? - i luv u>?
xDD
sometimes i juz wish, i juz wish that....
all good things would come true
that.... .... .... ....
.
in that split second, his eyes seemed to glow, to sparkle, diamonds seemed to have been embedded in his eyes, those silky eyelashes that caressed his eyes gave off its own aura as ....

He looked so immesely beautiful, so indescribable,
how could a small, plain girl compare to his goodness
no, it must be a joke fate has planted on her
yet, the eyes he had were only meant for her
his heart solely belonged to her

a gentle smile planted on his face, slowly broke into a cheeky yet whole-hearted grin.
her heart warmed to him as she let a blush surface onto her cheeks.
" Please, Sire, you are too gracious. I cannot accept your generous offer" " I am nothing but a plain maid not worthy of such goodness from you"
" You are far from that, don't you worry. you are to go ,and now that's an order"
He kept his tone light, he did not want her to be afraid, repulsed. No, that was the last thing he wanted.
He had waited for her for centuries.... if only, she would agree.
if only she would...
maybe juz to accompany him for just a few years. That would have been enough, more than enough.
He longed to have her for himeself, but he knew that would have been selfish, too selfish.
yet, in the darkest corner, that desire of his lurked and grew...

yeapp my writing is super suck lol
i shouldnt post such things here anyway...
but anyway,
no one i think comes to this blog
so....

alright, cya
hope the next entry wouldnt be as bad
xD



yo! i'm back lols:)
so many things happened when i was away ( that is, when i didnt blog)
arghhh i think my memory is getting worse
oh no.... why i cant remember some things...
Errrr.... and i still owe Rachel and Esther G b'day present! hahahha .... i havent bought them yet... oooops!
Anyway, for the past few weeks, i hav been really very very worried about my test results, cuz i kinda screwed them up.... except for emaths and amaths( for that, i'm really thankful)....
So, it was really a huge * relief* when i found out that i passed my physics( why i didnt think i wld pass? - cuz i left sooo many blanksss>>> not enough time to finish paper...)
phew.... thats one down...
EHHHH but still hav bio, hist and others.... * heart beats wildly*
on the side note, my father bought me an ipod touch for b'day * yay* .... i feel so guilty for wasting his money, really... i mean, i didnt noe it was sooo ex... 500 dollars plus.
zzz
and besides these , there are many other other things. that are moore personal.
But.... one thing that made me really happy is that : i actually spent time with Esther G is schhh:) hey she's still the same as ever:):)
yepp
and lastly, HAPPY B'DAY SINGAPORE... hahahhaha


thank you thank you LORD..... thank you for your grace towards me. i know i am unworthy of u. So many times hav i wanted to go my own way. Lord, i want so much to know you, to love you as my father, friend, Lord and Saviour.

Labels: in need of a rest

AHhhhhh.... i want the Kuroshitsuji Doujinshi ... lolx. heard that it would be released on confest( Singapore) .....
sheesh. i'm soo broke, but i really want it.... its 20 bucks :( :(
nvm:) i wanna go to the event even if i can't buy a thing there... hahah
ehhh... hope that by 18 yrs old, i can draw as well as Brilcrist sempai!!!!! uhhhh that means that i must work ultra hard.... 0.0
http://brilcrist.deviantart.com/art/kUROSHITSUJI-DOUJINSHI-PAGE-123967121
so niceeee!
and the Kuroshitsuji anime is fantastic toooo
aiyo.
me and my infatuations.
hahahah and my latest addiction is the blood plus anime( which i have finished watching alrd)
alright, i wld not start crapping alll over again.
off to finish emaths ws :)



yepp ... have been MIA-ing lately.... welll, for maybe 2-3 months alrd. Well, i juz didnt feel like blogging. or rather, too busy with tests. Anyway, its june hols alrd.
-------------------------------
I really wonder what my future wld be like. Would I be a teacher? i really do not hope so. Yet, i am unsure, unsure of what paths i would take, unsure of whether the road leads to a dead end.
It seems scary, really, to do things out of the ordinary, yet this things thrill me, excite me, sending adrenalin pumping through by veins. The thrill of being truly free, of doing what i want, but yet, not restricted to worries and my own timidness. It scares me really, but it is really oxymoronic. Something that you want, yet afraid of reaching out for it.
------------------------------
Time really passes by. You really hardly notice it passing by. Juz like a shadow, hovering over you , following you, and engulfing you. By then, all that is left is ashes, isn't it? But i choose to believe in God, and his many promises. I know i am not and never can be worthy to be his daughter. i know i break my promises and my deep-dark secret still remains. But surely, i know, God loves me and thus, i would trust him , as my Lord and Saviour. I hope that when i go to heaven, God would call me his good and faithful servant. i really, must be more obedient to God.
----------------------------------------------------
Confusion strikes me as i think about the situation in my church. It juz isnt right. Not at all. So much bitterness and could i say, Hatred. However, i do not hav the right to judge, Do I? I leave the rest unto God, who grants me strength.
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Well, i bought a black sharp scientific school calculator today:) ITs really nice. ahhahha... but i feel so guilty for losing my white calculator, and even more, for asking my mum to fork out 10 bucks( half of the calculator's price).
yeahhhh. And i bought a pencil box and hairband. Shopping was fun. yeppp
U know what? i feel kinda guilty for critisizing my form teacher. She's actually not that bad, and i really do not hav the right to say bad stuff abt her. My fault.... :(
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yepp. Time to eat spagetthi( wrong spelling, eh?) lol. byes. sayo nara: ) :)



:):):)
OKAY, I'm posting cuz rachel complains that i dont post...
so here i am.
alright,
juz a quick update.
I got into art ... yay hahas.
but seriously, art is sooo pressurising, and i feel so lagging behind with ppl so talented in art in the art class
i feel... inferior... struggling.
agrhhh i'm still having problems drawing the freaky arm... and the human anatomy is way off...
oh well.
i'm still stuck at my art hmwk.... principles of art???? lols. went to wiki it anyway.... but i dunno how to identify them, lest say critique. T.T
i havent been writing stories for a really long time :(
ummmnn... i miss writing stories, but there's really no time.... since i'm trying like crazy to improve my art skills. haha. nvm. i still read:)
yeahhh.
vampires arent supposed to be good, nor preetty and beautiful?
haha.... i guess so....
hmmmm... they're supposed to be EVIL...
T.T
lols.
and then, today, while i was in my father's car...
i saw many trees being uprooted along the way.
It made me think....
of how its juz like our spiritual life, so easily uproooted, if we do not have a stable and strong relationship with God...
sigh.
i really feel that my relationship with God is a mess now....
i dunno... i cant really feel him anymore.
and worship is juz like....
nvm...
i hope this would work out for the better.
I hope no one reads all this crapppp....
ughh so embarrasing. ughhhh




So, i'm back after a rly rly rly long time.... lol... x.x i couldnt be bothered to post, sheesh.
Anyway, i'm bored enough to blog so, i'm blogging...
Bleh.
i really need to mugg more....
hmm.... and i NEED to improve in my drawing skills....
however, there's always the excuse of not having enough time.
oh yah, i got to rly rly rly thank esther L for printing the art hmwk for me, so i can keep up.
THHHHXXXX ESTHER:)
thx for being my best friend, btw:):)
:) :):) smiles. ( i'm all smiles now)
gothic stuff rox:)
i want to improve my drawing in alot of ways, namely, : anatomy, shading, perspective and lots of others... oh yeah, and, i'm trying to learn using photoshop/coral painter to paint my pics...
arcylic works too, but photoshop is way easier as u can juz cltr z :)
you get what i mean.
waiting for my rly rly rly late father.... alrd NOW, i'm 1/2 hour late...
UGGHHH
what can i say?????
complains.
whines.
what else?
hmmm.... yes, i updated the blog cuz RAch asked me too <3>!>! :( its freaking wasting time....
final fantasy rox my socks:/
hmmm... visit my new blog at http://new-moon-rising.blogspot.com/
i may be blogging there in the future, juz maybe.
alrights, i gtg... and my father isnt here yet....
wher-e is he :(:(

Labels: listening to: who i am by relient k